Episode 14: Sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner on sex drives, orgasms and desire

Dr. Ian Kerner is one of the most recognizable voices when it comes to the topic of sex. Originally rising to fame for his New York Times bestselling book, She Comes First, Kerner’s work has been regularly featured in the New York Times, CNN, CBS, and The Atlantic. Over the last 30 years, Kerner has worked with thousands of patients in his clinical practice and has successfully helped both individuals and couples.

 

In this conversation, we unpack all the components that make up a great sex life. We give you the latest, emerging science around sex, and debunk some of the major myths that are circulating in our culture. Some topics include: sex drives, desire frameworks, sexual libidos, orgasms, sex scripts, sexual shame, sexless marriages and attachment theory.

 

Chapters:
0:00 - 1:02 - Intro
1:02 - 3:03 - Life as a sex therapist
3:03 - 5:04 - Do men think about sex every seven seconds?
5:04 - 8:48 - What kind of person goes to sex therapy?
8:48 - 22:46 - Sex & attachment
22:46 - 26:26 - Sex drives & libidos
26:26 - 32:36 - Turn-ons vs turn-offs
32:36 - 37:43 - Differences in men vs. women
37:43 - 41:24 - What causes sexless marriages?
41:24 - 44:53 - How much does attraction matter?
44:53 - 47:28 - What if my spouse let themself go?
47:28 - 50:57 - How emotions play a role
50:57 - 57:06 - The origins of sexual shame
57:06 - 1:00:24 - The Bible is SEX-POSITIVE?
1:00:24 - 1:05:52 - The orgasm gap
1:05:52 - 1:07:06 - Simultaneous orgasm is almost impossible
1:07:06 - 1:09:28 - Does size actually matter?
1:09:28 - 1:13:05 - Men only last 2.5 minutes?
1:13:05 - 1:15:38 - Putting together a “sex script”
1:15:38 - 1:17:58 - Addressing desire discrepancies
1:17:58 - 1:20:05 - Intercourse vs. outercourse
1:20:05 - 1:21:42 - Is it okay to have a quickie?
1:21:42 - 1:25:05 - Good communication around sex
1:25:05 - 1:26:23 - Erogenous zones & sexual hot spots
1:26:23 - 1:27:23 - What happens AFTER sex matters
1:27:23 - 1:29:36 - Can you move forward after infidelity?
1:29:36 - 1:31:44 - Does body count matter?
1:31:44 - 1:32:32 - What is the purpose of sex?

 

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